Encouraging Curiosity

I was blessed to grow up where and when I did. I spent much of my childhood at and around my grandmother’s house, which is only a mile east of my current school. However, in the early 1980s, Kentucky Avenue was only a stone’s throw from the elementary school where my mom worked in the office, where I would have my first job, and where I would eventually (even though it’s in a new location) find myself leading.  

Childhood in that time would be utterly foreign to students and parents today. Summer days at my grandmother’s would consist of a full breakfast and cartoons, and then somewhere around 10:00, we would be banished to “go outside and play  .”We would walk all over Hazelwood. We would go over to the school and slip into the old gym far away from the office to play basketball and swing on the climbing rope. I’m still amazed that elementary schools were good with having 10-year-olds climb a rope straight up into the rafters nearly two floors above with little to no protection from falling. It was a very different time!   We would leave the gym without letting anyone know, head to the post office to check the mail, and visit with the postmaster. We would head to Toot’s hardware and visit with “Toot” Nichols. This was the hardware store where I would pick up my first pocket knife. I still remember him having a giant moose head on the wall. After making our rounds, we would wind up at the counter at the Hazelwood Pharmacy around lunch. If we were lucky enough to have some spare change, we might be able to order a cheeseburger or a real deal cherry coke!   To this day, I can’t stand the bottled cherry cokes; they don’t hold a candle to those from the pharmacy.  

Looking back, I was given the opportunity to explore, embrace curiosity, and search for adventure. I was given permission to wonder, and I wouldn’t trade the wandering spirit that the streets of Hazelwood cultivated for anything! I understand that the world has changed, and it’s more difficult to give students these kinds of experiences today. But we must try. 

We can start fostering curiosity by giving our students and our children opportunities to ask questions. I hate to admit that as I reflect on how I parented, I probably didn’t provide as many opportunities for questions as I should have. It’s easy in the hustle of our buddy lives to forget the importance of allowing children to figure it out for themselves. Our temptation is to give them the answer and move on, leaving very little time for wonder or productive struggle. 

We can foster curiosity by providing them with a wide variety of experiences. Giving children the freedom and space to wonder and seek answers to questions we may not be asking. Depending on the experience and your comfort level, this might also require us to give them just the right amount of guardrails to keep them safe while they both wonder and wander. 

Finally, we can foster curiosity by showing them how to dig deeper and understand that they can find answers to questions in various ways. Many of the lessons I learned in childhood came from watching the adults around me model it for me. I encourage you to pay attention to how you model learning to the young people in your life. What kind of learner do they see when they look at you. 

Looking back, I was blessed to spend so many summer days learning independently through these adventures. My little brother recently posted on Facebook that our parents have no idea how many miles we rode on our bikes during the summers around Hazelwood. I wouldn’t trade those miles for anything and desperately want to find a way to recreate it for the next generation.

Are We There Yet?

We were about four miles into a five-and-a-half-mile climb to a high mountain bald just a few miles east of the NC/TN border in the Smokies.  It was a typical midsummer afternoon, and my wife and I were exhausted.  I don’t know if I had taken in enough calories that morning and was fighting both exhaustion and stomach cramps.  Still, I wanted to make it to the top of the mountain, see the view, and check it off my bucket list.  In my head, I kept wondering how much further.  I kept asking the age-old question that boys have asked their parents since the birth of traveling.  The classic.  “Are we there yet?” Eventually, we made the last steps to the top and sat down in a high meadow to enjoy both lunch and an amazing view; we had made it.  

Laying there, my mind slipped back to my childhood and traveling to the beach in a two-door blue Ford Escort with manual air conditioning.  For those unfamiliar with a manual air conditioner, it involves rolling down the two front windows, usually manually, and allowing the wind to blow through the car.  I sat in the back vinyl seats with my younger brother, struggling to keep my exposed skin from permanently sticking to the seat that was only a few degrees cooler than a frying pan.  Somewhere a few hours into the trip, one of us would inevitably ask Dad, are we there yet?  

The single most powerful part of that question is the assumption that we will eventually get there.  By including the word yet, we imply that we fully understand that our challenge is a journey and that we will be there eventually.  It is a recognition that we are getting closer to our destination with every passing moment.    For our students, for our children, and for us, adding “Yet” makes all of the difference.    Children who think they are not reading on grade level are foundationally different from those who think they are not on grade level yet.  “Yet” offers a hopeful future.  

My grandson turned one a few months ago.  He is almost walking.  As he grows, yet is a common part of our language when we talk about him.  He isn’t walking yet.  He isn’t potty trained yet.  He isn’t talking yet.  Yet marks milestones, but at some point in childhood, we stop using yet.  I don’t know what happens in between, he isn’t walking yet and he isn’t a good reader.   We must commit to keeping Yet in our language as we talk about our students, our children, and our grandkids. 

In educational language, this concept illustrates the difference between a fixed mindset and a learning mindset.  A fixed academic mindset says that we are either born with the natural ability to perform academically or not.  We either have it or we don’t.  This mindset can be toxic to our students and misses the value of arriving for learning with a great attitude, giving our best effort, learning to be self-disciplined, or buckling down to solve tough problems.  It misses the value of cultivating grit and empowering students to be creative.   While “Yet” is all about learning and growth. 

I want to encourage each person reading this to evaluate their own habits and practices.  Think about the subtle messages you send to the young people you interact with regularly.  Are you sending the message that you might not be there yet, but you will get there, and I will be here along the way to help?  Are you offering a hopeful future with the words you use?

Yet brings with it the power of hope.  Imagine how we could impact our children’s lives if we planted this single three-letter word deep into their minds.  Regardless of whether you are a parent or an educator, we must constantly remind ourselves that our children have a natural bias toward growth.  Deep down, they want to do better, please the adults they have built a connection with, and grow.   They are crying out, “Don’t give up on me Yet!” The big question for us is, are we listening?

Coming in March !!!

The last year has been quite an adventure, hopefully I can share some of it with you in the future.  But, after taking almost a year off from posting, I am back and excited about the upcoming month.  In early March, we will be launching a new series to go along with a month of focusing on a Learner’s Mindset at Hazelwood.  I hope that we will be able to share links, information, and a few things to get you thinking about raising kids with the resilience necessary to unlock the best future version on themself.  I’m calling it “Yet” and the more I dig deep into the power of the combination of these three letters the more excited I am to share it with you.  It has the power to change our perception of how we raise kids, grow learners, and cultivate resilience.  It gives us permission to realize that we might not be there yet, but we are well on our way!  Come back and check it out on March 1st!

Resilience Requires Rest

Photo by Du00f3 Castle on Pexels.com

As I write this, we are a week away from spring break for our students and staff. If you are anything like me, spring break provides an opportunity for a much-needed break, but it also offers a chance to catch up on a list of projects that I have been putting off for the last few months. If I’m not careful, I will look up and be ready to return to school after the break needing to get some rest after a grinding week of project after project. 

Unfortunately, we often glorify the idea of being constantly busy and productive. I certainly include myself in the portion of our population struggling to find time to rest. We wear our busyness like a badge of honor, measuring our worth by the number of tasks we can accomplish in a day or week. But what if this obsession with productivity is harming our ability to be resilient? What if one of the keys to building resilience is taking time to rest?

Rest is not laziness or weakness. It is a crucial component of building and maintaining our overall well-being. When we take time to rest, we allow our bodies and minds the opportunity to recharge and recover from the stress and demands of daily life. But rest is not just about taking a break from work. It’s about intentionally creating space for relaxation and rejuvenation. This could mean taking a nap, going for a walk in nature, meditating, or simply spending time with loved ones. Several years ago, Melissa and I began hiking in an effort to maintain our mental and physical well-being. It provided an opportunity for us to disconnect our minds from work while still staying active. While this isn’t a substitute for physical rest, it is one of the many ways we choose to recharge. After a particularly tough week at work, it isn’t unusual to find me in a stream with a fly rod in my hand. We also find rest in a camping trip or a Sunday afternoon drive. Whatever form it takes, rest should be a priority in our lives if we want to build resilience.

Why is rest essential for us?

  • Rest promotes better immunity and physical health. When we are stressed and overworked, our bodies are not able to operate at optimum levels. We heal slower and are more susceptible to getting sick. [1]
  • Rest promotes self-care, emotional regulation, and improved mental health. In a well-rested state, I am much more prepared to be the best possible version of myself. I handle difficult decisions and unwelcome news much better than when I haven’t taken the time to intentionally recharge. When our minds are at ease, we can better handle both challenges and setbacks. [2]
  • Rest improves cognitive function. Over the past twenty-five-plus years of working with students, I have discovered far fewer ways to improve a student’s ability to perform in class more than making sure they have a good night’s sleep. Unfortunately, we regularly have students that arrive at school after having slept poorly, and they struggle academically because of the inability to get the rest they need. When we take time to rest, we give our minds the space to wander, make connections, and explore new ideas. We can focus and make much more effective use of our time when we are fully rested. [3]

Rest is a crucial component of building resilience, and it is just as important a fuel for our bodies as a proper diet. It’s important to prioritize rest in our lives if we want to continue to handle challenges and setbacks with grace and resilience. I hope those of you getting ready for spring break make plans that include a healthy amount of rest.


[1] Prather, A. A., Janicki-Deverts, D., Hall, M. H., & Cohen, S. (2015). Behaviorally assessed sleep and susceptibility to the common cold. Archives of Internal Medicine, 175(4), 463-469. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/26118561/

[2] Lovato, N., & Lack, L. (2010). The effects of napping on cognitive functioning. Progress in Brain Research, 185, 155-166. doi: 10.1016/B978-0-444-53702-7.00009-9. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/21075238/

[3] Sabia, S., Fayosse, A., Dumurgier, J., Dugravot, A., Akbaraly, T., Britton, A., … & Singh-Manoux, A. (2019). Association of sleep duration with cognitive change. JAMA Network Open, 2(4), e191459. https://jamanetwork.com/journals/jamanetworkopen/fullarticle/2770743

Better Together

Better Together

My mother was upset when she learned that I wanted to serve RC Colas and MoonPies at my wedding reception.  For some reason, she had a more traditional menu in mind for the event.  She eventually forgave me.   Some things just go better together, and for most of my childhood, RCs and Moon Pies were way up on the list.  I would also add Pepsi and Peanuts. I know many of you will argue that it should be Coke and Peanuts, but I’m from North Carolina, and here it’s Pepsi.  I would probably add Burgers and Fries to the list as well.  I am a real sucker for a great burger with fries.   I imagine we all have our own list of unusual combinations that we could also add to the list.  For me, I like the saltiness of potato chips with my ice cream, and I usually add a spoon full of my wife’s strawberry freezer jam to the top of gravy and biscuits.     Finding foods that go well together is a great reminder that togetherness is a critical component of our lives.   

When our school leadership team met this summer, we discussed what we would like our theme to be for this school year. After a lengthy debate, we settled on Better Together, Climbing to the Top. Little did I realize how critical the idea of “Better Together” would be to the start of this school year.   Because I love to spend my free time hiking with my wife, I love the visual image.  After a busy, stressful week, one of our favorite things to do is to find a mountain with a great view at the top and climb it.  Even though I tried not to steer the team in any particular direction, the theme fits me perfectly. 

Over the past two weeks, we have witnessed both extremes of togetherness. We watched a mask debate unfold within our school district.  We have seen passionate, well-meaning people on both sides of the argument get caught up in this debate.  Unfortunately, unnecessary jabs have been hurled by community members that happen to see the world differently. We have also watched a flood devastate our community, and those same individuals work together to help their community recover.  If the last two weeks have helped us see anything more clearly, I hope that it is the simple fact that we are better when we are together.    Togetherness asks us to step away from our own wants and desires to selflessly carry another’s burdens. 

Pulling together is natural for communities when they face the devastation we have witnessed over the last week.  Unfortunately, within a few weeks, as the trauma we have experienced begins to fade, we will be tempted to return to the same behaviors we witnessed before the storm.   We will be tempted to start hurling insults about political views and mask requirements on social media. We will be tempted to turn back to ourselves and our own wants and desires.  If we are not careful, we will become inwardly focused once again.  

Togetherness is powerful because it requires us to acknowledge that others matter.  It requires us to do the hard work of finding common ground, realizing that most of the time, we are not as far apart in our views as we might imagine.  It asks us to keep an empathetic point of view and see the world through the eyes of others that might have a different vantage point than us.  

Years ago,  I watched a kid put grape jelly on his sausage biscuit.  I had never thought of trying the two together.  After he walked away, I tried the same combination, and it worked.  So now, nearly twenty years later, I ask for a grape jelly packet when I order a sausage biscuit.  I watched it being modeled by someone else, I tried it, and it stuck.  Our students must see us model togetherness.  They must see us finding common ground and working together to find a solution.  It can’t just happen after a crisis. It has to be a part of what they see us do on a regular basis.   Suppose the only actions regularly modeled for them are anger, decisiveness, and division. In that case, it will be difficult for us to expect the next generation to pull together, keep together, and work together.  We must continue to model for them how togetherness works.  

Coming together is a beginning; 
keeping together is progress; 
working together is success.

Edward Everett Hale

Watch Your Step

I met my wife when we were both in ninth grade. On my first trip to her house, she introduced me to Snowball. He was a gentle, midsized horse with a huge heart for his owner. Over the next few years, we would take several rides together, and I learned that Snowball had a bad habit. After a few hours on the trail, he liked to take a nap. If you were lucky, he would decide to take it while everyone had stopped for lunch, but many times he would take it as you walked the last few miles of the ride. You could tell that he was napping because he wouldn’t be nearly as careful with his feet, and then he would trip, wakeup, and hopefully catch himself before both horse and rider hit the ground. He usually did, but there was always that moment between tripping and waking up that left the rider in limbo, hoping that he would right himself before he hit the ground.

As Melissa and I take weekend hikes, there will usually be a joke about Snowball. The joke usually happens at the end of the walk when one of us is tired and misses a step or neglects to step high enough to clear a rock or stump. If I can be honest, after hours on the trail, I can settle into a bit of a trance and, like Snowball, take a bit of a nap on the trail. I know it’s not smart, and I need to be more aware, but time and fatigue take their toll, and it’s easy to drift off and not be fully present in the moment.

Each Friday, I go through a process to prepare for the upcoming week. Usually, late in the afternoon, I take about an hour to look at schedules and priorities and make sure I am ready for all of the events ahead of us. I borrowed a one-page weekly planner that I found several years ago and modified it a bit to make it my own. One of the things that it asks me to do is select a word for the week. Last week that word was “Present.” One of my goals was to stay fully present in the activities that I engaged in throughout the week. Being fully present takes energy and gets more challenging as fatigue sets in. Fatigue leads to mistakes. Fatigue slows down productivity.  

As we think about intentionally staying present in what we do, we must remember the tension that fatigue creates for us and those who work with us. It is true for both educators and students. While we have students in school, we still need to be attentive and watch for the errors caused by the fatigue of a year-long battle.  

Several years ago, I found myself at the end of a long hike in the southwest, walking on a small ledge. A missed step could easily be catastrophic and possibly fatal. I knew that I had a tendency to get sloppy with my foot placement late in the day, but on this day, I was fully aware of each step I took. There was no drifting off on this day; I was fully present in the moment. As we settle into the tensions associated with the prolonged battle, we must be fully aware of the emotional toll it has taken on each of us and make sure each step we make moving forward is carefully and deliberately made. 

Sharpening

I got a pocketknife for Christmas when I was 13 years old. It was an olive green lock blade buck knife with a bright shiny blade that was sharper than any knife I had ever had in my life. As we usually did on Christmas, we left mid-morning for my Grandfather’s house. He lived out in the country, on a farm, well past where the pavement ends. That Christmas morning, while the family prepared lunch, I sat on the front porch to whittle. Or to at least try and learn to sculpt with my blade. Unfortunately, my practice did not go as planned, and I ended up with an inch long gash on the index finger of my left hand. When mom saw it, we immediately headed for town to find someone to sew it up. I did my best to get her to at least wait until after lunch, but she would have none of it. After all, I was a growing boy, and lunch at Grandpas was usually outstanding. I had my priorities. Unfortunately, we headed for town, not waiting for lunch.  Five stitches later, I was all sewed up and hungry. It took more than three hours to get stitched up, and I never got Christmas Lunch at Grandpas that day.

Over the years, the scar has faded but was still recognizable enough to use it to remind my nephews at Christmas to be careful when using a knife, especially before Christmas dinner. While the scar faded, my love for knives didn’t. It seems I have always had a bit of a fascination with knives. As I have grown older, I pay attention to the quality of blades and the kind of steel used. It doesn’t matter if it goes in the kitchen or your pocket; I enjoy a good knife as much as anyone.  

Knives need to be sharp and ready for whatever task might come their way. When cooking in the kitchen, nothing bothers me more than pulling out a knife to find it so dull I need to saw my way through the next cut. When I was younger, I ruined more than one blade learning the finer details of using a sharpening stone. Sure, there are many new devices and tools to help you get just the right angle, but I find the practice of slowly running a blade across a stone to hone an edge both relaxing and rejuvenating. For me, it is a bit like therapy. Sitting quietly at the kitchen table with a couple of knives and just as many sharpening stones of differing textures is relaxing.  

Sharpening requires two critical components. It requires both Focus and Friction. Without focus, you will quickly find yourself making another trip to the doctor to sew up a wounded or missing appendage. You must also focus and be keenly aware of the blade’s angle and pressure as you move it across the stone. The wrong angle or amount of pressure, and you will never reach your desired results. As you can imagine, focus is essential. The right kind of friction is just as important. Working through sharpening stones of differing textures and resistance one by one will gradually leave you with just the right edge on a blade. Honing a knife is a deliberate, intentional process. By moving patiently from one stone to another, carefully selecting just the right amount of friction, you can make the blade just a bit sharper than it was before. 

I learned an important lesson early in life, “We must each be responsible for our own blade.” How sharp it is, what we do with it. It is ours and ours alone. Knives and learning have a lot in common. Honing takes a lot of work, and it is an ongoing process. This process helps us prepare for the future and the world that lies ahead. One way we do this is through reading. Former General and Secretary of Defense Jim Mattis once said, “The problem with being too busy to read is that you learn by experience (or by your men’s experience), i.e. the hard way. By reading, you learn through others’ experiences, generally a better way to do business, especially in our line of work where the consequences of incompetence are so final for young men.” Reading sharpens our ability to see and prepare for the world ahead of us. Literacy and critical thinking are essential elements in the educational process. Sharpening these skills matters.

We must teach our youth to be constant learners, honing their experience with the experience of others. During World War II, Winston Churchill said that we each have a moment in our lifetime where we have an opportunity to do something special. I believe that my generation may be living in that moment right now. Along with responding to the challenges that we currently face, we must also prepare the next generation to respond when their moment comes. We do this through the critical skill of sharpening.

“To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents. What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour.”

Winston Churchill

The Power of Positivity

When I first walked through the doors at Hazelwood Elementary after being selected as the new principal in June, I was greeted by a blue sign with the school’s five core values: Positivity, Respect, Integrity, Determination, and Effort. This week, I want to focus on the first of those values. While we all know a positive attitude matters, we have all struggled with it at some point. I will be the first to admit that sometimes I  struggle with remaining positive.  When things are going good, I fight the voices in my head telling me that this is too good to be true and something bad must be about to happen. If things aren’t going well, the voice reminds me that I got myself here, and now I will have to get used to it. It will never be any better. Being positive isn’t always easy. 

Our students must understand the power of positivity. They must be reminded that their attitude matters. Positive schools can become a powerful force in their communities. It requires principals, teachers, support staff, students, and parents to unite behind an attitude and belief that we can make it better. Positivity keeps us from settling where we are and helps us see and understand that we have the power to make it better.

In the last ten months, I have learned the importance of positivity in keeping students in school and keeping our doors open. While teachers did a fantastic job of maintaining a learning environment that worked while students were at home, most teachers will tell you that the difference in student growth between a virtual environment and a school environment is significant. Not only is it in the best interest of our local economy to keep our school open, but it is also in the best interest of our students. Their future depends on our ability to keep them safe and keep our doors open.  

We have been very fortunate that our schools have not been the epicenter of cluster events. Our teachers and support staff have worked incredibly hard to keep rooms clean and sanitized. Our students have done a great job of keeping masks on and maintaining appropriate distancing throughout the day. This couldn’t have happened without the hardworking of everyone involved.

As we returned from break and began assessing student reading levels, we realized that our students are making positive, meaningful growth. Some of our students that had fallen below grade level while being out of school during the spring and summer are now reading on grade level and are back on track.  

The next three months will be critical to helping all of our students get back on track. Most experienced educators will tell you that the period between the return from Christmas Break and Spring Break is the most important 12-14 weeks of the school year.  This is the time when students make the most growth.  

We want to encourage our students each and every day to make tomorrow just a little bit better than today. This habit of constant ongoing positive improvement will make a difference. Showing up each day with a better attitude and a willingness to work harder and grow more will help shape your child into the adult they become. As a young boy, I watched my dad get up every morning, pack his lunch and leave before the sun came up for a blue-collar job. He never complained about hard work, and he set the expectation that tomorrow would be better than today. Watching him shaped my work ethic and my attitude. I encourage you to help us shape the next generation, one day and one student at a time.

That Day and Today, We Were and Are All Americans

More than two hundred years ago this week, a band of unlikely American brothers stood together to protect the freedom and future of our young country. In the early 1800s, New Orleans became part of the United States and was already its most diverse city. In early January, the British turned their attention to the American west with plans to void the Louisiana Purchase and take the Mississippi and the land to its west for Brittian. The move would cripple the young country and profoundly change the history that we now remember.  The first move of their plan would be to take the Port of New Orleans.

The war of 1812 was in the process of ending, but word had not yet reached the band of 11,000 British troops that had sailed into the Gulf of Mexico with their sights set on the Port of New Orleans and the riches that awaited victory. The American capital city had already fallen the autumn before, with both the White House and the Capitol building burned in August of 1814.  In January of 1815, the best and most experienced of Brittian’s troops were leaving their boats for the American bayou. 

Standing in their way was an American general and future president. Andrew Jackson was undoubtedly an interesting and polarizing historical figure. Jackson was a Scotch-Irish lawyer and slave owner from Tennessee. As a young teenager, he was captured during the Revolutionary War. During his capture, he refused to polish a British officer’s boots and was left with a permanent scar across his hand and forehead for his discretion. He despised the British and lead a small army that stood in the way of the best the British had.

The ethnic hodgepodge that made up the small army held their ground and pushed the British back into the Gulf. The effort was helped along by both the poor planning and hubris on the part of the British. American casualties numbered around 60 while more than 2000 British soldiers fell trying to take the small port. Regardless of your opinion of Andrew Jackson, before the Civil War, among the slavery of the south, he somehow brought together backwater marksmen and militia members from Tennessee and Kentucky with Cajuns and Creoles. Both Black and White, Slaves and Freemen, fought for Jackson that day. Immigrants from Germany, Italy, Ireland, and Scandinavia all came together to protect their new country from invasion. Many had only been Americans for less than a decade.  This great coming together saved our legacy as a country.

This week, teachers have struggled to find the words to describe the historical significance of what we witnessed on January 6th, 2021. For the first time since the fall of 1814, the Capitol of the United States was breached. I am not sure I have found the words just yet, but I know that history is full of stories ready to be taught. I do know that months after our capital burned, a diverse group of young soldiers found common ground and stood together in New Orleans.  

The greatest battle that day may not have been with the British. We are, at times, our worst enemy. The greatest defeat that day was with the divisive tendencies of the worst part of our nature. Sometimes, we seem to forget that we are countrymen. At the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Battle of New Orleans, Jackson said, “Natives of different states, acting together, for the first time, in this camp, differing in habits and in language have reaped the fruits of an honorable union.” That day and today, we were and are all Americans. That is the lesson that we need to teach our children. 

Moments and Memories

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.

Dr. Seuss

This Christmas far exceeded my expectations. I must admit, after an exhausting year, I set the bar kinda low. I just planned that this Christmas would be no different than any other day since mid-March when the world shut down and life as we knew it changed forever. Then it started to snow.  I think someone was confused, “We can’t end a year like this with a white Christmas,” we need it to be seventy and sunny, the exact opposite of what might be on most of our Christmas cards.  Snow at Christmas would be too perfect for a year like we have all had.  Then I woke up to four inches of snow.  

Our Christmas began this year at my mom and dad’s house on Christmas Eve. For the first time in my memory, my mom had names on her presents. I wasn’t sure if we should celebrate or worry about her. At any rate, none of the kids opened crockpots this year, and that was a small victory. I could tell more stories than you are willing to sit through about what happens when mom forgets what she has wrapped and has to guess which gift is yours.  We all got the right gifts the first time, no one had to swap.  It was perfect.

However, she did continue her tradition of telling my little brother what dad “wanted” for Christmas.  She does this from time to time with my little brother because he continues to fall for it. This year dad “wanted” a set of sawhorses. Evidently, this lack of sawhorses prevented dad from completing many of the items on Mom’s retirement “to do” list. It’s an ongoing list with no real hope of an end.  He will put the sawhorses in the basement with the stapler he “wanted” a few years ago. Bro, next time buy the gift dad “wants” and wrap it but put mom’s name on it. On second thought, don’t; it has become a fun part of our family story.  

My nephew nearly scared us all to death at Christmas this year because he had decided he was old enough to carry a pocket knife. He said he would need it to open his presents, but thankfully, we could get them opened before he took matters into his own hands. I showed him the scar from the year I got a pocket knife for Christmas and decided to teach myself to whittle. We spent that Christmas in the ER while dinner was getting cold. It didn’t seem to phase him; he thought the scar looked cool. He did leave with all of his fingers and toes, so we can count that as a win. Sometimes the memories you don’t make are just as important as those that you do.

In the past few years, our Christmas gifts have become much more focused on memories. My mother has always been a bit sentimental. This year mom glued one of my matchboxes to a piece of wood and made a Christmas scene with it. She has always been crafty, and I am sure she saw it in Southern Living or one of her craft magazines. It was a neat gift, and my mind immediately went back to the five-year-old version of myself. Each Saturday, my grandfather would take me to the five and dime on Main Street. There was a massive selection of matchbox cars on the back wall in the basement corner, and we would pick out one. I would take it back to his house and add it to my collection. It’s funny how a memory will return. For just a few minutes, I was standing next to him again.

Mom followed it up with another gift from our family history, a framed 5×7 black and white photo of my grandfather’s Gulf station on Main Street from back in the sixties. It must have been Christmas because the lights are hung across Mainstreet.  After Christmas, I will find the perfect spot for it in my office. It’s good to have reminders of how much time and energy has been invested in getting us to where we are today.

I was blessed with two amazing sets of grandparents. It was kinda like the city mouse and the country mouse. My mom’s parents lived in Hazelwood, just a block away from the old school site. My dad’s parents lived more than twenty miles outside of town in the country, well past where the paved roads had turned to gravel and far enough out that you only went to town once a week.  I affectionately called my dads dad Papaw, a title my dad took when his first grandchild was born. Many of those trips out into the country to see my Papaw began at the drug store to pick up pipe tobacco. He didn’t like filters and rolled his own cigarettes. Over the years, Papaw had become proficient at rolling a cigarette with one hand while driving with the other.  He taught me how to do it, but we decided it best not to tell my dad. This year for Christmas, my brother gave me a candle that smells just like his pipe tobacco and a box of butterscotch candy just like Papaw kept in a small glass container on the nightstand next to his recliner. After getting home, I lit the candle, sat back in my rocker, and had a piece of butterscotch. For just a moment, I was back in his house, hearing his bigger than life stories again.  

It’s the pictures of forgotten times, the smell of pipe tobacco, and the taste of butterscotch that I will remember from Christmas this year. Those perfect memories that you savor like a fine meal. On Christmas morning, my wife gave me a framed quote for my office that summed up the last few days. The great philosopher Dr. Seuss once said, “Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory.” It’s really up to us what we make of our moments and which ones we allow to become our memories.