“There’s a lot of blood sweat and guts between dreams and success.”

Bear Bryant

The human body is capable of far more than we sometimes realize. It is generally believed that humans can go about three weeks without food, around ten days without sleep, and about three days without water. Well before we ever get to these breaking points, our brain kicks in and begins to tell us how big a fool we are for even pushing it. Most of us can’t get through a day without having a good dose of all three.  We are capable of far more than we give ourselves credit.

Several years ago, Melissa and I were making our way down into the Grand Canyon on a quick day hike when I noticed a man in the distance making his way up the trail. While it isn’t unusual to see people with one or two walking sticks on the trail, I couldn’t make out from the distance what he was holding in his hand. It was at an odd angle and unusual enough to pique my interest. Over the next half an hour, we gradually closed the distance between us until we were only a few hundred meters apart. It was here that I realized the man moving towards me, less than a foot from the outer rim of the trail and a drop well more than a few hundred feet, was blind. He had a guide behind him to help make sure he didn’t accidentally walk off the side of the mountain. Still, he was largely making the climb out of the canyon entirely on his own. I overheard his guide telling another group that they were finishing up a multi-day loop. Not only did the moment make me appreciate the view a little more, but it also reminded me how much we are capable of if we are willing to push ourselves. 

Growth comes down to our ability to control three things in our lives: our attitude, our effort, and our self-discipline. Suppose we consistently show up with the attitude that we can grow, achieve, and develop into something better than we are at this moment. In that case, we are well on our way to improving ourselves.  

If we find the grit to keep going, even when it’s not as fun as we expected, harder than we expected, or a bit darker than we expected, we can achieve amazing results. Our attitude and effort will unlock experiences and opportunities that we may never even consider possible.  

Of the three, however, our self-discipline may be the most critical. The story we tell ourselves about ourselves matters. Far too many individuals arrive with the attitude and the grit to grow but neglect the importance of controlling the narrative we are telling ourselves. Without a good dose of self-discipline, we hit the snooze button far too many times, have that extra donut, never lose the last ten pounds, and self-sabotage our own development. 

The same is true of our children. The picture may look a bit different for them while in school, but the reality of attitude, effort, and self-discipline is still the same. I began developing this idea of attitude, effort, and self-discipline, which I believe are at the core of our growth in my senior year in college. I was about to graduate and was preparing for interviews for teaching positions. For almost thirty years, I have watched over and over as students who exemplify these three character traits gradually outwork and outgrow students who still need to develop one of them. I have watched students break the cycle of poverty, become the first in their families to graduate from college, and go on to successful careers. Most of them approached their education and their growth the same way. They worked harder than others, showing up when they had every excuse to stay in bed. They came with the right attitude even when their life situation told them they got a crappy deal in the genetic lottery and should blame the world for all of the perceived wrongs in their life. And they were incredibly self-disciplined. They didn’t allow the story they told themselves to derail them from their chosen path. They showed up daily and continued to grow; Success came for them by stringing one good day after another.  

I have to be careful not to name names, but having been a small part of many of their stories, I am so proud of what they have become and the model they are for others around them.  They remind me that even on the tough days, I need to keep moving forward.

Moving Forward is one of the most important decisions we can make in life.  It allows us to grow, learn new lessons, have more energy, enjoy more peace, and overcome our adversaries.  

Dr. Peter Nieman

It’s interesting that I ended up both an elementary teacher and eventually an elementary principal. Let’s say I didn’t have the most productive career as an elementary student. First grade was challenging, and a personality conflict with the teacher made it even worse. I didn’t think she liked me very much, and the feeling on my end was mutual.   Much the same thing happened in 5th grade. I perceived I had been wronged by an unapologetic teacher and proceeded to go to war with her. It unearthed my mother, and it took me several years to overcome the lost learning and instruction that I missed simply because I was stubborn and hard-headed. Looking back, I could have handled the situation better, but in my defense, I was an elementary school student and only beginning to struggle with the self-discipline needed to confront the productive struggles I would face as an adult. If I’m honest, I do have a bit of that stubborn streak; part of it was inherited, and part of it was learned. Still, a dog on a bone mentality isn’t easily surrendered and, in some cases, has served me very well, in others, not so much.  

In middle school (at the time, it was still considered Junior High School), I learned to embrace the productive struggles I would face. As I did, I began experiencing more academic success. Some of it came with maturity, but my introduction to athletics and several excellent educators and mentors also helped. I was finally able to close some of the reading gaps that I had faced since early elementary school, which led to improvements in my grades, my attitude, and my general enjoyment of school.  

What I wish I had known then and better understood now is the critical importance of embracing the productive struggle of learning something new. It is supposed to be hard. Many of us never get through the initial battle and attain some degree of competence when acquiring a new skill. Think about those resolutions you made two months ago. How many of those are you still sticking with now that it’s mid-March? I remember some years ago wanting to learn to play the guitar, but I couldn’t stick with it long enough to get through the initial struggle. I gave up and moved on to something else. If we are honest, we have all probably been there in some way or another. We found some new hobby or idea only to give up when it started getting difficult.   Sometimes, our children may feel the same way about school when learning successes don’t come easy.  

While we can work with them, give them great experiences, and read to them regularly, being a successful student will still require a bit of grit to get through the struggle that is sure to come. For some, it comes early and often; for others, it may sneak up on them later in life.   Arriving at school with the work ethic necessary to face the productive struggle of learning is critical to a child’s overall success. Athletes know this; games are won many times on the practice field and in the weight room. The team that puts in the work brings with them an advantage. When making strides to get stronger, the athlete heads to the weight room and sees very little in terms of results after the first day. They may be a bit sore, but they probably can’t see that they look very different from before their workout. But, when you string enough days of sticking with it together, the results become apparent, and athletes who keep it up soon separate themselves from others based on how they address the productive struggle with grit and determination. The same is true of life in general. I encourage you to evaluate the message you are sending to the little eyes that are watching you. One of the most important lessons we can teach the upcoming generation is the value of putting in the work both in learning and in life. 

I was blessed to grow up where and when I did. I spent much of my childhood at and around my grandmother’s house, which is only a mile east of my current school. However, in the early 1980s, Kentucky Avenue was only a stone’s throw from the elementary school where my mom worked in the office, where I would have my first job, and where I would eventually (even though it’s in a new location) find myself leading.  

Childhood in that time would be utterly foreign to students and parents today. Summer days at my grandmother’s would consist of a full breakfast and cartoons, and then somewhere around 10:00, we would be banished to “go outside and play  .”We would walk all over Hazelwood. We would go over to the school and slip into the old gym far away from the office to play basketball and swing on the climbing rope. I’m still amazed that elementary schools were good with having 10-year-olds climb a rope straight up into the rafters nearly two floors above with little to no protection from falling. It was a very different time!   We would leave the gym without letting anyone know, head to the post office to check the mail, and visit with the postmaster. We would head to Toot’s hardware and visit with “Toot” Nichols. This was the hardware store where I would pick up my first pocket knife. I still remember him having a giant moose head on the wall. After making our rounds, we would wind up at the counter at the Hazelwood Pharmacy around lunch. If we were lucky enough to have some spare change, we might be able to order a cheeseburger or a real deal cherry coke!   To this day, I can’t stand the bottled cherry cokes; they don’t hold a candle to those from the pharmacy.  

Looking back, I was given the opportunity to explore, embrace curiosity, and search for adventure. I was given permission to wonder, and I wouldn’t trade the wandering spirit that the streets of Hazelwood cultivated for anything! I understand that the world has changed, and it’s more difficult to give students these kinds of experiences today. But we must try. 

We can start fostering curiosity by giving our students and our children opportunities to ask questions. I hate to admit that as I reflect on how I parented, I probably didn’t provide as many opportunities for questions as I should have. It’s easy in the hustle of our buddy lives to forget the importance of allowing children to figure it out for themselves. Our temptation is to give them the answer and move on, leaving very little time for wonder or productive struggle. 

We can foster curiosity by providing them with a wide variety of experiences. Giving children the freedom and space to wonder and seek answers to questions we may not be asking. Depending on the experience and your comfort level, this might also require us to give them just the right amount of guardrails to keep them safe while they both wonder and wander. 

Finally, we can foster curiosity by showing them how to dig deeper and understand that they can find answers to questions in various ways. Many of the lessons I learned in childhood came from watching the adults around me model it for me. I encourage you to pay attention to how you model learning to the young people in your life. What kind of learner do they see when they look at you. 

Looking back, I was blessed to spend so many summer days learning independently through these adventures. My little brother recently posted on Facebook that our parents have no idea how many miles we rode on our bikes during the summers around Hazelwood. I wouldn’t trade those miles for anything and desperately want to find a way to recreate it for the next generation.